The Shakespeare Code

Being the True Account of the Life of William Shakespeare, performed by Mr. William Beeston, Gent., and his Troop of Alchemical Spirits, at Posbrook Farm, Titchfield, Hampshire, in the Year of Our Lord, 1623.

TO READ EPISODE ONE , PLEASE CLICK:  HERE

TO READ EPISODE TWO, PLEASE CLICK: HERE

TO READ EPISODE THREE, PLEASE CLICK: HERE.

TO READ EPISODE FOUR, PLEASE CLICK: HERE.

TO READ EPISODE FIVE, PLEASE CLICK: HERE.

TO READ EPISODE SIX, PLEASE CLICK: HERE.

TO READ EPISODE SEVEN, PLEASE CLICK: HERE

TO READ EPISODE EIGHT, PLEASE CLICK: HERE.

TO READ EPISODE NINE, PLEASE CLICK: HERE..

TO READ MORE ABOUT SHAKESPEARE THE PLAY PLEASE CLICK: HERE.

BEESTON

(Entering from behind the screen) Jennet kept true. She had a son called Will and whenever Shakespeare visited Oxford, he would cover his face with a hundred kisses.

And though he had lost his first son, Will still had his daughter. (BEESTON opens First Folio)

SUSANNA

(Bursting onto the stage, dressed as the Goddess Flora with flowers in her hair and a trug of dried flowers)

(She addresses the audience…)

Here’s flowers for you….

(Lights up on audience. SUSANNA gives flowers to them)

….and you….and you…

(Then she turns her attention to the younger women in the audience)

…and you and you….

That wear upon your virgin-branches yet

Your maidenheads, growing…

(Then she suddenly sees DR. JOHN HALL – a handsome young, man dressed in black, sitting in the audience. She gives him some flowers.)

Now my fair’st friend

I would I had some flowers of the spring, that might

Become your time of day…

(SUSANNA suddenly becomes embarrassed and turns away. She sees her father SHAKESPEARE who has entered earlier and has stood watching SUSANNA with joy and pride. SUSANNA spots him, runs to him and kneels before him)

O look upon me sir,

And hold your hand in benediction o’er me…..

(SHAKESPEARE makes the sign of the cross over his daughter, then kneels to her and kisses her)

(laughing) Oh sir! You must not kneel!

(SUSANNA raises SHAKESPEARE to his feet and gives him flowers)

Here’s flowers for you, father.

Hot lavender, mints, savoury, marjoram,

The marigold that goes to bed with th’ sun

And with him rises, weeping: these are flowers of middle summer…

(Kneeling as to deity) O Proserpina,

For flowers now that (frighted) thou let’st fall

From Dis’s wagon! Daffodils……

That come before the swallow dares, and take

The winds of March with beauty; violets, (dim,

But sweeter than the lids of Juno’s eyes

Or Cytherea’s breath)…..

……..pale primroses,

That die unmarried, ere they can behold

Bright Phoebus in his strength…..

…..bold oxlips……

…….and/The crown imperial…….

….lilies of all kinds…

(To SHAKESPEARE) O these I lack

To make you garlands of….

(Returning to HALL)… and my sweet friend,

To strew him o’er and o’er!

JOHN HALL

What? Like a corpse!

SUSANNA

No, like a bank for love to lie and play on:

Not like a corpse; or if, not be buried

But quick and in my arms….

(SUSANNA is again overcome by embarrassment. She rushes back to SHAKESPEARE on the stage)

Methinks I play as I have seen them do

In Whitsun pastorals: sure this robe of mine

Does change my disposition…

JOHN HALL

(Following SUSANNA onto the stage…)

What you do,

Still betters what is done. When you speak, sweet,

I’d have you do it ever: when you sing,

I’d have you buy and sell so, so give alms,

Pray so, and, for the ord’ring your affairs,

To sing them too: when you do dance, I wish you

A wave o’ the sea, that you might ever do

Nothing but that, move still, still so,

And own no other function….

(To SUSANNA) Trust me, Susanna. I’m a Doctor! (He looks to SHAKESPEARE and bows.)

Sir….

( SHAKESPEARE smiles and bows back. They exit)

BEESTON

Susanna married Dr. Hall and soon became pregnant. Will had been a dreadful father, but he planned to be a brilliant grandfather. He moved to Stratford-upon-Avon and bade farewell to his London public in the figure of the magician, Prospero….

(BEESTON exits behind screen. SHAKESPEARE enters from trapdoor in a robe and staff identical to BEESTON’S)

SHAKESPEARE/PROSPERO

Our revels now are ended.

These our actors, as I foretold you,

Were all spirits, and have melted into air, thin air…..

BEESTON

(Enters from behind screen in identical robe and staff)

Now wherever can Cousin Will have got that idea….? (Exits behind screen again)

(SHAKESPEARE/PROSPERO breaks his staff and flings off his robe)

SHAKESPEARE/PROSPERO

Now my charms are all o’erthrown

And what strength I have’s mine own

Which is most faint: now ‘tis true

I must be here confined by you,

Lest you release me from my bands

With the help of your good hands:

Gentle breath of yours my sails

Must fill, or else my project fails,

Which was to please. Now I want

Spirits to enforce, Art to enchant;

And my ending is despair

Unless I be relieved by prayer,

Which pierces so that it assaults

Mercy itself, and frees all faults.

(He kneels to the audience)

As you from crimes would pardon’d be,

Let your indulgence set me free…

(SHAKESPEARE/PROSPERO exits. BEESTON enters from behind the screen)

BEESTON

Two years later, Will was back in London. Retirement wasn’t for him. His huge house in Stratford was more like a hotel than a home – filled with in-laws, outlaws and guests of the Stratford council. He didn’t get on with his wife, the locals kept trying to tap him for money and people were rioting about the enclosures. So it was back to London, more plays and more collaboration.

But then the Globe burnt down….

(Eyes heaven-wards) Someone, he thought, was trying to tell him something. So he returned home and did what any man of sense would have done. He got slaughtered in The Bear in Bridge Street every Saturday night….

(The entire COMPANY OF SPIRITS enter with SHAKESPEARE, now looking as fat as he did at the beginning of the Interlude…….

The SPIRITS laugh and pat SHAKESPEARE on the back and shout ‘Happy Birthday’)

MARTIN (who sits next to his wife, Jane)

(When the laughter subsides) Do you remember, Will, the challenge from ‘tipsy Bidford’? (Roars) Word had got round you were a ‘superior eminence in the profession of drinking’ so the Bidford Topers invited us all down for a contest…But when we arrived they were all plying their unholy trade at Evesham Fair. Only the Sippers were left. ‘We’ll take you Sippers on’ you said…and ended up comatose under the crabtree….(Roars) They call it ‘Will’s Canopy’ to this day…(More laughter)

SHAKESPEARE

Martin, I’d like to propose a toast to your wife. To Jane….

ALL

To Jane! (All drink)

MARTIN

(Mystified) Why did you propose a toast to her?

SHAKESPEARE

Because she has all the qualifications of a toast: she’s dry and brown!

(Roars)

THOMAS COMBE (with a whispy beard)

My brother John, God rest his soul, (crosses himself as the others in the tavern do) once gave you a challenge, Will. ‘Write my epitaph’ he said, ‘Here! Now! In The Bear! I want to know what you’ll say about me when I’ve gone!’(Laughter) A pottle pot if you can remember it!

SHAKESPEARE

(Instantly remembering it)

Ten in the hundred (mimes counting money) he lies here ingraved

‘Tis a hundred to ten his soul is not saved (Laughter)

If any man asks who lies in this tomb,

Oh ho! Quoth the Devil, ’tis my John-a-Combe! (Roars)

THOMAS (giving SHAKESPEARE a pottle pot)

Now do me, Will – for another pottle pot!

SHAKESPEARE

What can I possibly say about the tight-fisted bastard who’s enclosed all the common land in Stratford-upon-Avon?

(Laughter. SHAKESPEARE drinks and thinks…

Thin in beard and thick in purse,

Never man beloved worse.

He went to the grave with many a curse…

(Drinks and thinks) The Devil and he had both one nurse…..(ROARS)

(COMBE sets up another pottle pot – not sure if he’s pleased or not)

Don’t worry, Tom. (Kisses him on the head) I love you, even if no-one else does. I’ve left you my sword….

JANE

You made a wicked ballad extempore when you was a boy, Will. Bet you can’t remember it now!

SHAKESPEARE

Bet you I can! (Takes sip)

JANE

Bet you can’t sing it!

SHAKESPEARE

Bet you I can! (Takes sip)

JANE

Bet you can’t dance it!

SHAKESPEARE

Bet you I can!

(Drains off his pottle pot – to the cheers of the crowd. He then sings and dances…)

SHAKESPEARE

A Parliament member, a justice of peace,

At home a poor scarecrow in London an ass,

If Lucy is lousy as some volke miscall it

Sing Lousy Lucy whatever befall it…..

(CHORUS repeat and join in the dance…)

A Parliament member, a justice of peace,

At home a poor scarecrow in London an ass,

If Lucy is lousy as some volke miscall it

Sing Lousy Lucy whatever befall it…..

SHAKESPEARE

He thinks himself great, yet an ass in his state,

We allow by his ears but with asses to mate….

 CHORUS rpt

If Lucy is lousy as some volke miscall it

Sing Lousy Lucy whatever befall it…..

SHAKESPEARE

To the sessions he went and did sorely complain…..

(SHAKESPEARE suddenly stops, clutches his heart and falls to the ground. JANE screams)

THOMAS

Fetch Doctor Hall!

(EXIT ALL)

BEESTON

Dr. Hall took Will back to his surgery and examined him. There was no hope….

(Lights up on SHAKESPEARE lying on a couch. SUSANNA is kneeling by him, holding his hand and singing, unaccompanied)

When that I was and a little tiny boy,

With a heigh ho, the wind and the rain,

A foolish thing was but a toy

And the rain it raineth every day….

But when I came to man’s estate….

With a heigh (rpt.)

‘Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate….

And the rain (rpt.)

When I came, alas, to wive…..

With a heigh (rpt.)

By swaggering could I never strive….

And the rain (rpt.)

But when I came unto my beds….

With a heigh (rpt.)

With toss-pots still had drunken heads…

And the rain (rpt.)

A great while ago the world begun

With a heigh ho, the wind and the rain,

But that’s all one, our play is done

And we’ll strive to please you every day….

BEESTON

And so Will slipped quietly away. But to return to the questions I posed at the beginning this Interlude – ‘Did Will conquer death?’ Well, let’s see what his old rival Ben Jonson says about him. (Opening First Folio) Some people say Ben was at Will’s Birthday Bash, but everyone was too pissed to remember….

Ah, here it is….

(mumble, mumble…then reads)

Thou art alive still, while thy book doth live

And we have wits to read and praise to give…

He was not of an age but for all time….

I’ll go along with that. But did Will lead a religious life? As a man of Science, I’m happy to say the answer must be a resounding ‘no’…..

(BEESTON’S den erupts. Ghostly noises as windows flap, doors fly open, paintings fall from the walls and the bookshelves collapse. To a flash of lightning and screams, the corpse of SHAKESPEARE suddenly sits bolt up-right. Complete silence…then)

SHAKESPEARE

Hang on a moment, Apis Lapis. The show ain’t over till the fat poet sings…..As a Roman Catholic, I demand the Last Rites!

SUSANNA

(Overcome with joy and defiantly crossing herself) Father, the Last Rites shall be yours! (Cheers from the SPIRITS offstage)

BEESTON

The lunatics have taken over the asylum…..

(SUSANNA defiantly claps her hands. Triumphant liturgical trumpets as THE CHURCH OF ROME enters in procession through the audience, including, if the budget allows, the POPE, in Triple Crown, carried on his sedia gestatoria…..

……SHAKESPEARE, in clouds of incense, receives the communion and is anointed. He then lies back, peacefully, on his bed and dies. The SPIRITS, gathered round his bed-side, turn, in question, to BEESTON)

THE SPIRITS

Well?

BEESTON

(Unable to beat them, he joins them…)

Our poet did, in the nick of time, lead a religious life. And entered the Kingdom of Heaven.

For what sort of God would ever shut his doors on Our Cousin Will…

All turn to look at the body of SHAKESPEARE which clearly has a smile on its face. BEESTON, with some relief, bangs his staff on the floor.

And, with a quaint device, the production vanishes…

THE END

© Stewart Trotter August, 2012

CHARACTERS (in order of appearance)

William Beeston, Boy (voice off-stage), Older Shakespeare, Calvin, Princess Elizabeth, Angel, John Shakespeare, Young Shakespeare, Two Henchmen, Aristocrat (played by BEESTON), Anne Hathaway, Clients in the Bear Tavern, Christopher Marlowe, Handsome Young Man, Thomas Nashe, Robert Greene, Rev. Robert Crowley (Played by BEESTON), Midlands Gentleman, Mary, Second Countess of Southampton, Henry Wriothesley, 3rd Earl of Southampton (known as ‘Harry Southampton), Emilia Bassano, Attendants 1 and 2, Romeo, Earl of Essex, Soldier, Spirits 1-4, John de Critz (played by BEESTON) Thomas Thorpe, John Davenant, Jennet Davenant, Launce, Susanna, Dr. John Hall, Prospero (played by SHAKESPEARE) Martin, Jane, Thomas Combe, Spirits as Clients in Bear Tavern, Spirits as The Church of Rome.

QUOTATIONS FROM SHAKESPEARE

As well as William Shakespeare’s Sonnets, Venus and Adonis, Lucrece and The Phoenix and the Turtle, OUR COUSIN WILL quotes from: The First Folio, Henry IV Parts One and Two, Love’s Labour’s Lost, All’s Well that Ends Well, The Taming of the Shrew, Romeo and Juliet, King Lear, Two Gentlemen of Verona, The Winter’s Tale and The Tempest.

The lyrics to Lucy is Lousy are attributed, by tradition, to Shakespeare – as is much of the conversation – and verse-making – in the second Bear Tavern scene.

Shakespeare’s heavy drinking is also a local Warwickshire tradition.

PERFORMING RIGHTS

‘Our Cousin Will’ which, as well as being performed at Titchfield, has been professionally work-shopped in London by Jane Howell. Performing rights, world-wide are now available. Please leave a contact address below if your company would like to perform this play. S.T.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT……….

WILLOBIE HIS AVISA DECODED!!!